i've an affinity w. these birds, particularly at service stations, where the volume of people they experience each day coupled w. the amount of food they receive has shaped their character such that they present as brave, curious & somewhat funny. this was at a service station called tebay. i'd stopped unwittingly, ignorant to its status as the 'best service station in the uk' on account of its farm-to-fork produce & independent shops. truthfully, when i arrived, i just wanted a greggs...
i will remember this drive back since it was supposed to snow. God blessed the journey w. unrelenting & radiant sunshine, all while i listened to jerry flowers' audiobook & teared up, meditating on mephibosheth's story in second samuel 9:8. here, mephibosheth, having been dropped by his mother as a child, is lame. this led him to believe he was unworthy. however, david, knowing that mephibosheth was a descendant of jonathan — his ally — redeemed him by restoring his land and inviting him to eat at his table. david saw past mephibosheth's lameness and recognised him for who he truly was: a descendant of jonathan. the part that choked me up was mephibosheth, stunned by david's grace and kindness, bowing and saying, 'what is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?'
in that splendid winter sun, speeding down the m6, listening to that story, i suddenly became aware of my own self-loathing. i saw that the hate-filled & condemnatory beliefs i'd authored about myself regarding my own wounds were false. if i, like mephibosheth, had been seeing myself as a 'dead dog', then i, too, had no sense of my own intrinsic worth. how could i possibly be restored? by the grace of God. He knows my true worth, he sees me for who i truly am: a descendant of His, made in his image & carrying His breath. i may be fallen -- i may well be a 'dead dog' w. wounds & scars & traumas -- but God still sees me & loves me. He wants me restored & eating w. Him again at His table. this knowledge gave me the power to love myself too. If God loves me, i must love myself too; my opinion of myself cannot supersede His.
this revelation was life-altering. here, i truly received God's blessing &, feeling a spiritual connection like never before, decided to go all in w. Christianity in 2026. it's important i acknowledge this. i must remember the egypt i was delivered from and when this occured. this drive was part of it.
